Meet Neha—Librarian by Profession, FBI Agent by Instinct
Neha Joshi, 27, from Pune, was known for three things:
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Organizing her bookshelf alphabetically
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Detecting lies faster than Google
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Her boyfriend, Rohit, who was sweet, charming, and just suspicious enough to keep her Wi-Fi on high alert
They had been dating for 8 months. Things were going great. Flowers, dates, matching Instagram captions.
Until… The Phone Incident.
It Started with a Dead Battery and a Chai Craving
One fine Sunday afternoon, Neha’s phone died just as she was ordering chai on the Chaayos app. A tragedy.
Rohit, being the ever-supportive “baby use mine” boyfriend, handed over his phone.
“Password?”
“Your birthday, na?”
Red flag #1: Every desi knows—if he hasn’t changed it in 8 months, he’s hiding something in there.
She opened the phone.
The chai order was placed. Mission accomplished.
But curiosity sipped in.
Notification bar = Battlefield.
The Notification That Changed Everything
She pulled down the bar casually. Just notifications. Right?
Wrong.
Right between “Cricket Live Score” and “Zomato Wallet Added ₹4 Cashback”, there it was:
“You matched with Riya 💕 on TandoorTinder.”
Tandoor. Tinder. What. The. Tikka.
Neha blinked.
Rohit, oblivious, was scrolling through memes on his laptop, chuckling at a video titled “Guy gets slapped with papad.”
Neha, meanwhile, began what experts refer to as:
“The Rapid Female Digital Reconnaissance Protocol.”
Mission: Phone Clean-Up or Break-Up?
Step 1: Search Bar Sweep
She opened WhatsApp. Typed:
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“Baby”
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“Hey cutie”
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“Miss you”
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“Sorry again”
She found one group chat with four friends named “FC UK Bachelors Forever.” Okay. Suspicious, but manageable.
Then she opened his gallery.
And That’s When It Escalated
The photo folder was titled:
“Taxes2024”
Classic decoy move.
She opened it.
What she expected: PAN cards and boring PDFs.
What she found: 184 screenshots of memes, 3 blurry mirror selfies, and one image titled “secret_plan.jpg.”
She tapped.
It was a flowchart that read:
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Step 1: Pretend to diet
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Step 2: Order momos
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Step 3: Deny momos exist
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Step 4: Gaslight girlfriend
She gasped so loud, even Alexa flinched.
But Wait… It Gets Worse (or Better?)
Right as she was about to confront him, the phone dinged again.
New Email: “Congratulations, Rohit! Your Shaadi.com profile is 85% complete.”
Her eyes widened.
He had a backup plan for a backup plan.
The Confrontation (aka The Great Phone Trial of 2025)
Neha:
“So… ‘TandoorTinder’? Seriously? Are you planning to swipe right on a butter naan?”
Rohit:
chokes on air
“Wha—huh? That’s just a parody app! I installed it for a meme!”
Neha:
“And the Shaadi.com email?”
Rohit:
“My mom created that! I swear! I told her I’m seeing someone! She said she’d ‘keep options open.’ It’s emotional blackmail!”
The Verdict? A Surprisingly Twisted Ending
Neha gave him the stare. The legendary Silent Girlfriend Judgement Stare™.
Then she said:
“Okay. Fine. You know what? If your mom’s keeping options open, so am I.”
She downloaded Bharat Matrimony, uploaded her best saree photo, and added:
“Just exploring. Already dating Rohit. He knows.”
By nightfall, she had 14 matches.
Where Are They Now?
Rohit and Neha are still together.
But now every Sunday is Phone Swap Sunday.
He gets access to her camera roll (mostly clouds and food).
She gets access to his memes (mostly questionable).
Trust is a delicate thing. So are TandoorTinder notifications.
Moral of the Story
If you’re hiding things on your phone:
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Don’t use her birthday as your password.
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Don’t name your photo folder “Taxes2024.”
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And never underestimate what she’ll find when she just wanted chai.